Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How am I?

How am I? Better and worse.

I mourn the loss of dreams I thought I'd given up long ago: being retired together, going out to dinner, arguing over politics, traveling the world, playing with our grandchildren, taking them on trips like my grandparents did with me.

I miss waking up in the middle of the night and being able to nudge his leg with my foot; even though he was totally dependent on me, he was a physical presence, the guy who stood by me for 44 years (our anniversary, June 10). I've been dreaming a lot about him. It's the real Bob in my dreams, the one with the confident smile and the wicked sense of humor.

I miss him all the time, every minute.
I'm getting better, but ... I'm getting worse.

1 comment:

  1. Don't lay down your dreams. You can have them all, but Bob won't being going with you. Bob is "there." You are here, and right now your kids and their kids need to see you LIVING (fully), so they'll know how to do it when it's their turn. So far, you've lit a HUGE candle for them!