The first visit

Waiting for two weeks after placement was incredibly difficult, but finally I made it and the time came when I could go see him. I worried that he would be angry or resentful or that he would beg me to take him home. That's because I still think of the other Bob, not the man before me.

I held his hand -- making a physical connection -- and we sat and chatted, sort of. I brought up old funny stories, some of which he remembered and we relived. He refers to "being in this place" and said he'd worried about some of his friends; I was able to reassure him that I am taking care of everything and everyone. He seemed glad. He was very pleased when I said everyone thought of him and sent their love; he gave a big smile, the only one I think. He talked about Lily, our granddaughter, a lot and told me several times that she had been born in Scotland. He said he didn't know that Amy was going to have a baby.

He seemed relieved to see me at first -- like he used to be sometimes when I came in late to pick him up from daycare. He was pleased when I told him I'd bring Lily to see him but that it would be a while. He told me she lives a long way away. When I told him I would be back to see him, he just nodded -- no affect. I wasn't sure he even knew who I was, but the social worker said she was certain he did.

I stayed about 30 minutes and by then they were getting stuff set up for lunch. I told him I had to go and it was lunch time for him; he said, "Good. I'm hungry." As I left, he was still sitting in the same chair, sort of motionless.