Sunday, September 6, 2009

That explosion!

Life has not been smooth lately. It's always sad to realize that even I have fallen into the easy streets of Denial, thinking we could move along as we were and adjust to a three way relationship: me, Bob and AzD.
Since the hallucinations started, I've realized how much Bob imagines a life. He thinks he actually saw our granddaughter-to-be just from our daughter's description of her 20 week scan. Now that's good. When the eyes are bad, a great imagination is really helpful.
However, the other day he stood at the sliding glass door trying to show me the man standing on our deck. I suggested that he was seeing a reflection of himself or the neighbors moving around in their yard. Quietly he said, "I guess I must be seeing things." Such self awareness is devastating.
Bob takes Axona every day, a powdered medical food that I mix in water; I don't think it's helping him. Yesterday he commented how tired he was of drinking it. I asked if he wanted to stop taking it. He said no. I asked if he'd like me to add some fruit and blend it up like a smoothie. He thought that was a great idea.
Innocently this morning when it was time for the Axona, I went to work in the kitchen, telling him that it would be ready in a few minutes. A bit later, he stepped to the doorway just as I hit the button on the blender. He disappeared like a startled cat.
Then when the smoothie was waiting for him and he'd not come in to the kitchen despite my calling several times, I went in search. I found him, as he still is, lying on the bed. I asked if he was ok. He said, "No. I'm in pain." What? "That explosion!!"
He said his ears were ringing; he just couldn't take all that noise. He couldn't imagine what I'd been doing.
I said it was the blender.
He said it was an explosion. It was like a war.
I left him lying on the bed while his ears recover.

1 comment:

  1. You are my hero. Really, I'm not saying that to make you feel good or anything, you really are. (However, if it makes you feel good, it's fine with me!) I know that what you are experiencing will eventually help others, because that's how you roll. Keep writing!