Life has not been smooth lately. It's always sad to realize that even I have fallen into the easy streets of Denial, thinking we could move along as we were and adjust to a three way relationship: me, Bob and AzD.
Since the hallucinations started, I've realized how much Bob imagines a life. He thinks he actually saw our granddaughter-to-be just from our daughter's description of her 20 week scan. Now that's good. When the eyes are bad, a great imagination is really helpful.
However, the other day he stood at the sliding glass door trying to show me the man standing on our deck. I suggested that he was seeing a reflection of himself or the neighbors moving around in their yard. Quietly he said, "I guess I must be seeing things." Such self awareness is devastating.
Bob takes Axona every day, a powdered medical food that I mix in water; I don't think it's helping him. Yesterday he commented how tired he was of drinking it. I asked if he wanted to stop taking it. He said no. I asked if he'd like me to add some fruit and blend it up like a smoothie. He thought that was a great idea.
Innocently this morning when it was time for the Axona, I went to work in the kitchen, telling him that it would be ready in a few minutes. A bit later, he stepped to the doorway just as I hit the button on the blender. He disappeared like a startled cat.
Then when the smoothie was waiting for him and he'd not come in to the kitchen despite my calling several times, I went in search. I found him, as he still is, lying on the bed. I asked if he was ok. He said, "No. I'm in pain." What? "That explosion!!"
He said his ears were ringing; he just couldn't take all that noise. He couldn't imagine what I'd been doing.
I said it was the blender.
He said it was an explosion. It was like a war.
I left him lying on the bed while his ears recover.
Surprise (come along for the ride)!!
12 years ago
You are my hero. Really, I'm not saying that to make you feel good or anything, you really are. (However, if it makes you feel good, it's fine with me!) I know that what you are experiencing will eventually help others, because that's how you roll. Keep writing!
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