Monday, September 6, 2010

The long good bye

It happens little by little and then all at once.

Like tonight I realized that I have become a nurse / companion, not a wife and friend. I make sure he takes his pills, eats properly, washes and dresses. I think about what makes him happy and contented. I subvert my own desires and needs because he is ill.

No longer do we have conversations even though we sit together with our morning coffee. Sometimes I watch the news and he catches half of a word "murder" or he hears a name and is sure we know the person, because we’ve heard the name so often, like Rob Blagoiavich.

Usually I don’t watch the news because I get frustrated with having to help him understand what is not understandable for him. The gulf oil spill concerns him deeply because of the possibility of sharks and rays.

We sit next to each other at dinner but I am helping him find what’s on the plate. Sometimes I pretend we’re strangers and I am being kind. We are strangers.

It happens all at once, you realize what you’ve become, and it happens little by little.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written, my friend. Processing the tragedy as it evolves must be very difficult for you. I'm always here for you.